For internal transformation, I realized I have to work on those thoughts which have percolated down to my subconscious. At this level are where thoughts have unlimited access and effect on every aspect of on one's life, interactions and life choices. Thus, I decided it is very necessary for me to make a map of myself right from the subconscious so that I can block the paths to perdition that are buried in my subconscious.
So I decided to KYS (Know your self).
One such self realization I v had and attempting to set right is the way I emote in a closed group. When I m amidst individuals, most if not all of whom, I share a close personal relationship with, I tend to shoot my mouth inappropriately. This perhaps annoyed many, if not all, but no one said anything possibly because they were afraid it would ruin my relationship with them. And subconsciously it was affecting my self esteem too as things I said would just be lost in the air a lot of times. But, I never could take concious action to set it right.
Because God is merciful, he sent me one who cared and had the courage to tell me that I urgently needed to set right this aspect. As I reflected on this feedback, I realized that indeed, in closed groups, my comfort was so high that I slip into the subconscious mode during conversations. In the subconscious mode, we become reflexive reactive. But, effective communication requires concious reception and receprocation. So now I v decided to stay concious during conversations , even if they are boring, and can already see the good fruits in my relationships.
Mind you it is a struggle for the first few instances. I had to simply shut up till I could figure out what was wrong in the way I converse. I couldn't both continue the habit and set it right!
But, the struggle is always worth it!
The confidence that comes from a through understanding of self is unshakable and positive. It will make one glow and also positively impact other around.
So here are my tips on how you can KYS:
1) Read the Bible. Internalize especially the 10 commandments, Books of Sirach, Wisdom of Solomo & Proverbs.
2)Spend time in reflective contemplation each day. Perhaps 10-15mins. During this time you could reflect on your good and bad deeds, office conversations, behaviour towards the strangers you ran by during the day. Balance these against the 10 commandments, precepts of the church, Sirach, Proverbs, Wisdom of Solomon.
3) Run a survey. Ask different people among family, friends, colleagues, superiors as to what they like and dislike about you. This will surely be an eye opener and also will open up channels of communication in your relationships that will do you great good.
4) Take action. Believe that you are worth the struggle. Dont settle for anything but the vision of wholesome goodness that you want to be. You are flawed now but, decide to take concrete steps to remove the flaws in your nature so you fall in love with yourself.
5) keep mind and heart open for feedback through humiliating incidents, nasty office gossip or just well meaning loved ones.
Our road to perfection is a never ending one wise people say. but, the war is meant to be broken into little battles that can be conquered relatively easily, one at a time.
Go forth with the power of the word of God and a steely will, victory shall be ours!