In my life-long journey with God, I v grown from,
innocent faith (inheriting it from mom and grand dad as a child)
teenage liberal-Christianity (when I figured out my own convenient brand of Christianity-meets-new age-secular theology)
reaching a point where my new-age-theology failed me miserably
seeking to know Him
busying myself with activities for His kingdom
a genuine realization that actually I didn't know the person of God
there is love:)
holding back anger/envy/jealousy
even being hopeful and peaceful in emotional, physical, spiritual suffering,
these are no longer things-to-tick off my spiritual to-do list. These I yearn for. Not at all implying that I always manage to do these but simply that, there is no more guilt or fear or endless mental justifications going around in the mind. Because, love casts out fear. Even now there is the thorn in my flesh which slows me down, which holds me back, which makes me fall, which makes me dwell on negativity but having known His love and my wanting to love Him right, i now have hope for my weak sin-prone self.
The world will teach us that its by how much we do that our Love is measured. Christ tells us its how much we are. I find especially in ministry we often get mixed up in this jumble. We are so busy chasing the gifts and charisms of the Holy spirit that we compromise on the fruits. No we ought not. Love is the greatest. If not all else but only love, that may be His will even. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It maybe hard to explain to another person but if one's intentions are true and right before God, its all one needs.
So I allow myself to bask in His love.
I know He loves me. I know He knows me, that He sees right into the deepest recesses of my heart. I know I live and move and have my being in Him. I know without Him, I can do nothing. And, I know I love Him with all my heart and mind and soul. Here lies the difference between heaven and hell, literally.
The question then to answer for oneself in our walk with the Lord is, "Agapos mein?" do we Love Him in that unconditional way He desires? Like St Peter answered, do we also say, "felio se" .i.e. i love you but not quite unconditionally?
Its true for each one of us that there is no greater day , no greater moment in our life than when Love is born in our heart, for Him. I.e. when we move from a knowledge of God to an experiencing God. Experiencing Him who is love itself.
I leave you now, with a wedding song which i hope shall be sung in mine as well :)